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Chocolate Donuts

January 10, 2018
BY CHUCK CLEGG - Columnist , Wetzel Chronicle

2018 calendars are being hung all over the world. With a fresh New Year, literally millions of people make their annual New Year's resolutions. For most, it is easy to make such a promises to ourselves of making changes in our lives for the good. After all, there is a good chance you have made the life-changing decision before. In all likelihood, you have gotten pretty good at refining how to succeed this time.

Unfortunately, the fact is that almost all of us will fail in sustaining any major changes to our lives. Yes, we start out with good intentions. But, as someone once said, "The road to failure is littered with good intentions."

Stories on the internet suggest that only 8 percent will succeed this year with their resolution. The most popular, lose a little weight and get more exercise. Next, be a better person. Now I have to wonder what kind of a person would make such a resolution to be a better person. Obviously they must be a stinker of a human being to make such a resolution. I am not a shining example of humanity, but I never felt the need to make a resolution to be a better person. That would be like asking an old bear not to be so grumpy.

If I have learned anything, it is to try and make it past the first of March before abandoning my resolution. Keep it simple and obtainable.

As 2017 was winding down, I began thinking, "What could I do to better myself in the New Year?" I came upon the idea not to get upset with cable television. It bugs me that I have a large cable bill each month for dozens of channels I don't watch. And if that is not bad enough, they change the channels around on me. And, even worse now, they have taken off the western channel, no more John Wayne in the middle of the day. I am an old man, it is hard enough for me to remember the number of my next anniversary, let alone dozens of cable channels. Somewhere in America there are cable television executives laughing about ruining my New Year's by having me hunt for John Wayne on my 55 inch television. I don't want to be a grouchy old bear, but when you mess with my television stations I can't help it.

I quickly realized I could not change how I feel about my cable television that doesn't involve me throwing a shoe through the screen. The only solution, move onto another resolution that could be obtainable. Finally I came up with one that may be possible for me to keep, DON'T GO BY THE BAKERY DISPLAY CASE! You have to understand, a chocolate cake doughnut, warming in a glass display, case often whispers to me as I pass by. "Take me home and dip me into a hot cup of coffee. All your dreams will come true." Now, you have to understand, Mary also whispers sweet things to me, but I have never told her about the doughnut and the sweet things it whispers. Why ruin a good thing with a New Year's resolution?

A few days before New Year's Eve I made the mistake of passing the pastry case. That's when I heard, "Take me home." I looked around to make sure there was no else who heard the chocolate doughnut whispering to me. I can't be too careful when purchasing a chocolate doughnut. I remember the last time I purchased a chocolate doughnut, without her knowing. She came home from work that night and asked, "Did you enjoy the doughnut you purchased today." Rats, I said to myself; someone had seen me and told her of my weakness for a chocolate pastry.

This time I told the lady behind the counter I wanted one last doughnut before New Year's. That way I could have my doughnut and begin with a resolution to give up Chocolate Cake Doughnuts at least for a while.

She laughed at my thinly-veiled proclamation of a New Year's resolution. As she handed me the bag, which contained my chocolate treat, she said, "Don't feel bad about refraining from bakery items; we see a sharp fall-off for baked goods the first three weeks of the New Year. After that, sales pick back up."

There you have it, scientific evidence that New Year's resolutions last until the 22nd of January, and then they fade into history. I am pretty sure I can go without a Chocolate doughnut for at least three weeks. I just wish there was something on cable television during that period of time.

These days, my love of chocolate doughnuts allows me to have one every couple of weeks. There was a time when a doughnut of any kind would fall victim to my hunger for pastries. But with age comes some wisdom, not much, but some. I figured if I took the number of calories in one doughnut and divide them by 14 (two weeks), I could justify twenty calories a day averaged over that period of time. Don't you just love how I make my resolutions come true?

Each of us, at some point, has given some thoughts to how we can improve or change to make our lives a little better. And no matter how we try, only 8 percent of us will ever achieve success in a New Year's resolution. For myself, I won't damage my television. For some, you will give away or sell that piece of exercise equipment you bought to help you get back in shape. And for those of you who want to purchase just one more doughnut, please don't buy that last chocolate cake doughnut in the display case. That's my burden to carry forward until next year's resolution, as I look Through the Lens.

 
 
 

 

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