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Book Of Women

October 29, 2014
BY CHUCK CLEGG - Columnist , Wetzel Chronicle

Last week's story was titled, Book of Man. Since that story ran it was suggested that I write a similar story about the Book of Woman. I realize that the Book of Man story dealt mostly with physical attributes of a man. I am smart enough to not write the story from the view point of a woman's physical attributes. But, after giving it some thought I decided that I may know enough about the subject to write a story remembering the many fine qualities of a woman. Not that I am claiming to be an authority on women, just that I have learned a few things along the way and have some understanding. Most of my knowledge comes from doing things the wrong way at least once and learning a lesson in female understanding.

The story on men was based on an article titled, How to Read Your Man Like a Book. This story is going to be, How to Read Your Woman Like a Book. The first chapter you will have to read is never assume you know what a woman is thinking. A woman has a gift men usual don't possess, telepathy. The ability to communicate without words. Just think about, how many times your wife has communicated with just a LOOK. No words, just a LOOK. At first, when we are younger we don't even know how to interpret the LOOK. We just believe she is thinking. She is. She is thinking you had better not forget your first anniversary. Somewhere after that, you begin to understand the language of the LOOK. Also remember the LOOK can have lots of different meanings.

Next part of the story is about your dirty clothes. Do you remember that favorite pair of blue jeans and lucky football shirt you use to own? You know, the one you left on the bathroom floor for the fifteenth time. You also remember she asked you several times to put your dirty clothes in the hamper or washing machine. You remember because she said, "How many times do I have to tell you to put your dirty stuff in the washing machine? I am not your maid." Do you remember now? You just thought once again they would find their way to the washing machine just like they had many times before. This time, they just disappeared into that place beyond the twilight zone. Then you do the next wrong thing. You ask her if she has seen your jeans and shirt. She communicates to you by mental telepathy once again with the LOOK. Only this time she grins when she thinks of the answer you are looking for. You know now what she is saying without moving her lips. Scary how fast she has taught you to read her mind with just the LOOK.

The next section in the story is on something easy to do, compliment her new hair cut or style. A women's hair is very important to them. They will study hair styles and decide when it needs to be changed. This can be once a year or every couple of months. Understanding the mind of a woman when it comes to her hair . . . just don't try. Tell her you like it and it makes her look younger. Women like the younger part; she'll give you a good LOOK. We think the ritual fixing of the hair is all about them. Well, the truth is, it is for us men. They want us to be happy with their new style and color, even if it is a little too dark. After all, when you first met your wife or girl friend the second thing you probably noticed was her hair. What was the first? It better have been her smiling face when you tell someone, or you will get the, LOOK.

Communications. Why is communication important when she can relay her thoughts to you by the LOOK? Women want men to talk with them like when you were first dating. Quiet conversation under the moonlit sky is romantic and stimulating when you are first learning about each other. Well, at least that what it said in the book I once read about men being from a different planet than women. Before you got married or at least got serious about each other you talked face to face and lost track of time in each other's smiles. After a while, we tend to think they have heard everything we had to say that was important, besides the Steelers game is on TV. We just assume normal conversation with them is no longer necessary, unless you are asking about your favorite shirt or what;s for supper. If you do this you're bordering on her saying to you, "You don't want to talk with me anymore; maybe you don't love me anymore either; just go ahead and watch your old football team!? This is a very bad place to be. You have to come up with the correct answer quickly or you are in deep trouble. And no answer is even worse, especially if you give her your deer in the headlights LOOK just before you look towards the TV to see if the game is on.

One of the most important sections of the magazine article would be, knowing when to say "I love you." Now, this is important; never wait until she asks, "Do you still love me??" No matter what you say it will border on being wrong. "Why, yes dear I still love you, why would you think I didn't?" Never give her the I love you speech and attach a question about your love. Every time she thinks you missed a chance to say, "I love you" she will let you know and she won't use mental telepathy with the LOOK to tell you either. Make a mental note to every now and then take her hand and look her in the eyes and say, "I love you." Ignore her if she says, "What do you want." It is natural response when we men do something unexpected and haven't been given the LOOK.

The final section of my story is that neither men nor women can be figured out in a book, magazine articles or Dear Abby Column. Each of us is different and ever changing as we grow older. How we think and react when young is often brash, driven by hormones or self serving. As we grow older, we begin to understand this thing we called relationships is complicated by work, children and stress of the world. If I were to write a story about how to read the opposite sex it would go like this: Do the best you can and never be afraid to say you are sorry before she gives you the LOOK. You'll be amazed at what can be learned about someone you love when you listen to the story from their view point as you LOOK Through the Lens.



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