During the time one is grieving for the loss of a loved one, so many comments are made that seem so inappropriate.

I have discussed this with several people. Many have had the same reaction to many of the same comments that have been made to me. My father was the first family death I had to deal with. As I mentioned, my dad was my school principal. During the time I was at the funeral home during the visitation hours I took a break to go into one of the back rooms to be alone. One of the teachers who had taught with my dad for years came back to see me. I knew my dad and this teacher had had problems working together for years, but he starts telling me what a wonderful man my father was, going on and on. This was not the thing I wanted to hear from this person at this time. I finally said to him why are you telling me this when it is well known that you and my dad never got along. Needless to say, the teacher looked at me in amazement and just walked away.

That was the beginning of the words and comments that have been made to me over the years.

Some comments seem so inappropriate to me. One of the words I dislike the most is “closure”. Many have said, “You will have closure in time.” The word sounds too much like “close” to me. I do not want to close my family who have died out of my life.

Another comment, “You are so lucky to have had her in your life so long.” One doctor asked me when we were discussing this, do you feel lucky right now? I said no, I feel very upset they left me.

I have heard the word “passed” so much. I have questioned the usage of this word instead of died. Some think it may be used to suggest the passing to another place or whatever they think happens at the time of death. I have never said that any of my family has passed. Perhaps some people are not comfortable with the word “died”.

I try to use the words or expressions that have given me the most comfort at the time of a death. I try to say, I am sorry, and if there is anything I can do, I am here for you. I have found one of the best things is a wonderful hug.

I personally would never tell anyone I know how they feel. We are have our own way of grieving.

I am very sure none of the comments made were meant to be hurtful in anyway that are said at the time of grieving. But rather they were just not quite sure what to say. I am also sure we all do not take comments made to us the same way.