There is nothing any more annoying to me than telemarketing calls.

For some unknown reason to me the car warranty calls seem to be most popular now.

My car has been out of warranty for several years, but to listen to the caller, I am in grave danger of my warranty about to expire. I have pushed the number two on my phone so many times the number is worn off. According to the reordered message, if you push number 2 on the phone you will be removed from the calling list. Believe me, that is not true.

Another one that bugs me in the “pre-arranged funeral” calls. The first time I received that call, I had not been feeling well. For a moment a thought perhaps there was a magic genie observing me and was calling to tell me to get my things in order.

The recorded message is so annoying one can’t even tell them where to go. Well, you can, but no one hears you. It does make me feel better to tell them anyway.

I have tried everything to get rid of these callers.

One of my favorite methods, if there is a live person at the other end of the call, is to tell them I have died. When they ask if this is Miss Hill, I love to say “No, she just died yesterday.” The caller doesn’t want to waste time, so he/she just says “Oh, I am so sorry!” Then I respond, “So is her family.”

Another one I like to use is, “No, she is in ICU and not expected to live, so please do not call this number again.”

Then there are those credit card calls. The most fun I have had with this type is to stay on the line and push the number that you can talk with a real person. I recently had one of those and the lead line was, “We can lower your interest rate on your credit card.” So I pushed the number to talk with someone to help me do this. When he came on the line with his fake excitement in his voice to ask for my information, I immediately said, “How are you going to lower my interest rate when I don’t even have a credit card. Do you have a number lower than zero?” He stuttered a bit, but I then hung up.

I suppose these jobs are necessary, but nothing is more annoying than to get a call when you are in no position to even answer the call. Then there is either silence on the other end of the line or this darned recorded message after you have hurried to get to the phone. This is even more annoying than a television commercial. At least you do have a mute button for those.